So what about rapport? Firstly its highly important to ask yourself - what is rapport and how do you know when you’re in rapport with someone?

Raport is achieved when two people are communicating openly and with ease. When we’re in rapport there is a sense that there is a connection, often subconscious with the other person. How can we achieve this?

The simplest way is to find something in common with the other person - did you work in the same company, have you similar interests, do you live in the same place. This can help create rapport on a conscious level. But what about subconsious?

Again the key thing to remember is having something in common. Think of how the other person is speaking - loud, quiet, slow, fast and what words they are using. Begin to speak in a similar way using similar and the same words - if they use visual words they you use visual words and so on. What you’re aiming to do is have the way your speaking “in common” with the way they’re speaking.

You can also do the same with body language which is called “matching and mirroring“. Adopt similar body language to them, move with similar gestures and facial expressions. So your body language is the “same” as theirs. How do you measure if its working?

By how well the communication goes. This week try the above with someone you had communication challenges with in the past. Be very flexibility to adopt your voice and body language to match theirs. Notice the difference. When done right its truly amazing!

Remember when we’re getting on well with people this is happening anyway. Its not a new invention, its simply a matter of noticing whats going on when we communicate well and using it to help us all communicate better with eachother. Surely this is a good thing!

For more information on this see any good book on Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

In-Joy

Sean

A number of years ago I came up with a formula which I have found really useful as an ‘on the spot’ communication strategy. This strategy I call ORFF. You can use it in any communication situation - meetings, one to ones, presentations, video conferencing, whatever, to help create focus and realise objectives. It’s not a 100% guaranteed but with practice it will not only help you achieve the objectives of the communication situation it will save loads of time! So what is ORFF?

O - Objectives
R - Rapport
F - Feedback
F - Flexibility

O-Objectives

Consider the objectives from three points of view - the people you are communicating with, the company you are representing and your own.

First Point of View: ask yourself why are the other people at the meeting? What do they want to achieve? If you’re not sure ask them - as Stephen Covey said in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “seek first to be understood and then to understand”. So listen to them first and put all your attention on understanding why they are there. To be really sure you know their objectives summarise them back and clarify if needs be.

Second Point of View: what are the objectives of the company you represent? What would they like to achieve in the meeting? For example what image do they want you to portray? What products do they want you to sell? Last night I was in a supermarket and there was only one girl at the checkouts. The queue was huge. She kept ringing for help from another girl who was packing shelves. This girl eventually came around and said in front of all the customers in the queue - “I’m doing something, where’s Kim?” Not exactly a great message to display in front of customers! Before you go into a meeting ask yourself what are the objectives of the company you represent?

Third Point of View: what are your objectives? Again a few moments spent creating positive focussed objectives before a meeting will save time and help you hit the target. You can of course use the SMART strategy to help focus your objectives or simply ask yourself - what is your objective(s) and how will you know it is achieved?

Suggested Exploration
For the next week decide to make sure you know the above three objectives for all your communication situations - the people you are communicating with, the company you represent and yourself. Notice what works and make it work better!

Next week I’ll write an article on the second step in ORFF - Rapport - going a bit deeper than simply asking a few light hearted questions like - “how did you get here?”

Until then, carpe diem and focus your communications!

During the dinner we got talking about purpose and what it means. He asked me what was mine, I said “to help people”. He looked at me, paused for a second and said “sure that could mean giving them heroine!”. So I asked him what his purpose was and without hesitation he said “to raise the mental literacy of the world!”

A few weeks ago I wrote an article entitled How to Live Your Dream and the first step in the article was to create a great purpose for your life. Of course there may be many purposes in our lives depending on the different roles we play - a business purpose, a life purpose, a parents purpose, a spouses purpose and so on. For this article lets focus on your business purpose.

Take a moment and a blank sheet of paper to write down what your business purpose is. Ask yourself questions like - Why am I in business? What do I want from the business? Go on take a moment to write down your answers.

Now lets think back to Tony Buzan’s purpose. What did he say his purpose was - “to raise the mental literacy of the world!” Did he say I’m in business to earn as much as I can as quick as I can and sell the business; or to pay off my mortgage asap and retire so I can enjoy myself; or to prove to everyone that I’m the best? I don’t think so! In fact if you reflect on any of the great leaders/achievers/business people in history you’ll see the focus of their purpose was far bigger than they were, in some cases it was even impossible to achieve in their lifetimes! In many cases they have “dreamed the impossible dream”.

I remember hearing that Walt Disney’s purpose was “to make people happy”. Recently I saw a bus with a Disney advertisement no the side. I thought to myself, he’s long gone but his dream lives on. I wondered had he achieved his purpose to make people happy - I asked myself - has Disney helped make me happy? Absolutely!

So how do you create a Great Purpose?

1. Simple really - begin with the end in mind. Its your funeral. What do you want said about your life? Get a blank page and let your heart sing!

2. Still not sure - go out into nature - by the sea, a forest, a mountain. Bring your mind to rest - take in some slow deep breaths and bring yourself fully into the present. Then ask that part within yourself that knows - what is my greatest purpose? Keep asking yourself this question over a few days, weeks, even months and then almost by magic you’ll find a need in the world that you can serve - you’ll feel the call and you’ll know - YES, this is my highest calling! For example Trevor Baylis who invented the windup radio was inspired to help people in Africa when he heard about the spread of AIDS. Read his story here.

3. Once you choose your purpose you can align your business to fulfill it or at least be a step in that fulfillment. For example it may be a financial step to put money into a particular cause. It may be that in your work you help people realise a greater part of themselves. It may be to focus your business on education in some way or provide some product which will positively enhance the lives of people. Or as Anita Roddick the creator of the Body Shop says in their “Reason for Being - to dedicate our business to the pursuit of social and environmental change …”

4. Also and most importantly - Be Specific. Like Tony Buzan - “raise the mental literacy of the world” or Disney - “make people happy” or like Anita Roddick of Body Shop - the pursuit of social and environmental change …”

What difference will having a Great Purpose for your business make to you and your business? Firstly you will have a surge of energy coming through you which will keep you going when facing the toughest of challenges. You and your business will also positively touch the lives of many people and you will experience deep fulfillment in your life. Anything else?

Well I’ll let the author of the Yoga Sutras and one of the worlds greatest sages Patanjali’s (approx 200 BC) answer with his famous quote about “Purpose”:

“When you are inspired by some great purpose,
some extraordinary project,
all your thoughts break their bonds:
Your mind transcends limitations,
your consciouness expands in every direction,
and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world.
Dormant forces, faculties and talents come alive
and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far
than you ever dreamed yourself to be.”

My next article will be on step 2 of How to Live Your Dream - Explore Your Dreams.

Until then may your realise there is a purpose in everything!

Yours On Purpose

Sean M Kelly

www.seanMkelly.com

www.mindmatters.com

Here’s a five step strategy on how to create your own business, illustrated by a personal example.

1. Set a Goal: It was July 1991 and I was sitting at the dining room table in my parents house. I’d read about goal setting and the power of writing goals down. For a few years I’d been thinking about starting my own business. I opened a page in my diary and wrote my goal “In April 1992 I will have my own business”.

2. Believe in YourSelf - Had I any idea what the business would be? Not particularly but because I worked in computers it would quite likely be in that industry. Had I any idea about how to run a business? Very, very little. Would most people think it was a great idea and tell me - “what a great idea Sean, go for it!” Very unlikely (in 1992 it was very difficult to get any type of a job in Ireland!). I was more likely to be told “cop on to yourself and stay with what pays the bills!” So I only told a few people.

3. The universal intelligence will help you - of course once I set my goal the universe responded and I came across a programme called “The Entrepreneurs Programme” in the West of Ireland.

4. Be Determined - They were only accepting 23 people for the course and I was told hundreds were applying. I decided I must get on this programme. I drove for over four hours on a freezing winters day in my 1968 beetle, which had no heating, and did one of the best interviews of my life. I got on the course.

5. Have the Courage to Decide - It was now November 1991 and it was nearing decision time on whether to leave full-time employment. Did this decision frighten me – absolutely - I had been unemployed before and had to leave Ireland to get a job. So my rational mind was telling me – “Sean you’re nuts!”

For a week or two I was in that state of indecision which as I’m sure you’re aware uses up so much energy and really is not an empowering place to be – the will I, won’t I state of mind. So where did I find the courage to make my decision?

I found a book entitled “How to overcome nervous tension and speak well in public” by Alfred Tack, an old book, full of wisdom. In it I found the following quote about courage by a guy called Sydney Smith (I’ve edited it slightly):

“A great deal of talent is lost in the world for want of a little courage. Every day sends to their graves obscure people whom timidity prevented from making a first effort; who if they could have been induced to begin, would in all probability have gone great lengths in the career of fame. The fact is, to do anything in the world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger but JUMP IN and scramble through as well we can.

It will not do to be perpetually calculating risks and adjusting nice chances. You see a person can wait, and doubt and consult their brother and particular friends until one day they find they have lost so much time in consulting cousins and friends that they have no more time to follow their advice and Live their dream!”

The universe didn’t need to tell me anything else. The very next day I resigned from my job. Three months later, on April 22^nd 1992, my first business “The Open Training Consultancy Ltd” was formed.

It’s sixteen years since I made that decision. Were there times since when I’ve considered returning to fulltime employment, absolutely. Were there many rejections along the way, thousands! Did I make mistakes along the way, yes thousands! Has money been rolling in ever since – absolutely not – there’s been affluent times and some seriously “tight” times. But has it helped me realise the truth about myself and the magic that life really offers us?

ABSOLUTELY! And as we have been told for the past couple of thousand years – “The Truth will set you free!”

Create your own business and realise more of lifes magic!

Seán M Kelly
www.seanmkelly.com

ps: If you need inspiration and encouragement on your way email me and I’ll offer you some email coaching. The first one is free.

pss: Another option is to enrol on the “How to Live Your Dream” inspirational and thought provoking 12 week online course. Email me for a sample lesson and click here for more details and to register - How to Live Your Dream online course

1. Create a Great Purpose - The greater the reason you have to live your dream the greater your motivation. Think of those who have achieved greatly in their lives. Their purpose wasn’t limited by a personal agenda but by a purpose which was far greater than themselves. A few years ago I had the honour to musically lead Sir Bob Geldof into a conference. During his keynote speech he spoke about how “Live Aid” began. He said, “…our goal was to raise $75,000 to help feed people in Africa. Now millions and millions of dollars later we’re still doing it.” Create a great purpose for your dream - world abundance, world peace, feed the world, make poverty history or whatever resonates deep within you, almost as if you were born for this purpose to be realised.

2. Explore Your Dreams - What are your talents and gifts? What are you deeply passionate about? What do you love? Everyone has talents and gifts. Everyone has unique contributions to make to our world. However if we just follow everyone elses lead hoping to be liked and approved of, we may miss our calling. Ask yourself - what do you truly love doing? Do you lose track of time when you’re doing this? Would you do it even if you never got paid?

3. Create a Vision - Get a blank sheet of paper and markers. Now imagine anything is possible. Then draw a vision for your ultimate dream, one that feels absolutely fantastic! It’s the feelings that will energise your vision into reality, so let them soar! Put the vision somewhere you will see it daily and reconnect with those feelings as if your dream is already true.

4. Take guided action - There is an intelligence within the universe that keeps the planets in their orbits, ensures the sun rises daily and can also manifest your dreams. What do you need to do? Let go of the need to figure “how” your dream will happen, trust the infinite intelligence of the universe and watch for opportunites that arise. These opportunities may come to you, or your intuition may urge you to take guided action. Whichever way they arise, gently seize these opportunies!

5. Give Thanks - A thirteenth century philosopher, Meister Eckhart once said - if the only prayer we ever said in our lives was “thankyou” it would be enough. Never cease to feel gratitude for the manifestion of your dreams. Your feelings of gratitude is the energy which fuels the magical manifestation of your dreams. No matter how slow or fast the progress, celebrate every step of the way!

6. Your Greatest Gift - Finally and most importantly remember even if your dream doesn’t come true, be forever grateful for the greatest gift of all - the gift of your precious and unique life. And know that this world is a better place because … You have dared to live your dream!

by Sean M Kelly B.Sc Dip (Appl.Sc) Mast NLP
www.seanMkelly.com